PART I: The Newly Single Woman
The first, and most dramatic of these events is the split from my boyfriend of over 4 years. We met when I was 16, he was 18, entering our freshman year of college. We “grew up” together, had been there for each other during the crazy maturation process that happens to everyone during those young adult years. I can truly say that I did not know myself as an adult without him. He was literally my best friend, someone who knew things that others never will, someone I always talked about spending the rest of my life with. Over the past few months our lives became misaligned and there was a certain separation that seemed to naturally occur. No one is to blame for what happened, and it was obvious to both of us that RIGHT NOW is the time that we venture on our designated paths to become our best selves.
Although we’ve had our issues and “break-ups” throughout our college years, we both knew in our hearts that this time was different. This time the separation was not a result of selfish ambition, laziness, or outside influence. It was the result of prayer, wisdom, revelation, and a mature decision to do what is best for us at this time in our lives. It’s been over six weeks that we’ve been apart & I must say it’s been a difficult transition.
Having someone be in your life in a specific role, and depend on them for things that you can depend on no one else for is an amazing thing especially when you feel as though you reciprocate that role in their life. Then suddenly, it has all changed. He is no longer my boyfriend but now “the homie”. I have to remove certain responsibilities from him. Which is difficult.
I must say though, good fruit has come from our obedience. In our short time apart, we have both been challenged to mature in ways that we wouldn’t have had we still been together. Often times we used our relationship as a bandage to cover up wounds from injuries we sustained before we entered into the relationship. We covered up issues that needed to be dealt with, because we knew that we continuously made the decision to love each other unconditionally despite our deepest flaws.
That being said, I’m using this time productively. I’m working hard to become a woman who knows who she is, is confident in whom that person is, and knows where she is going. A woman who can make the decision to love despite how loved she feels at the moment. A woman who knows that she is loved perfectly by her heavenly father up above, who says that she is royalty. In the past I used males (in general, not only my boyfriend) to validate myself and give me a sense of worth. I was always hoping to be noticed and wanting someone to like me to make me feel important. As a result my heart had been picked at, grabbed at, filled up, wrung out, and hung out to dry by unhealthy relationships with males (and some females) throughout my life.
Today I am single, and not ready to mingle. The temptation to run wild after being in a serious relationship for over four years was looming, and I did give in to certain things that I should not have. But I had to regain focus, not return to my old ways, and use my new knowledge to realize what it is I should truly be pursuing. After I made that choice, to be single THE RIGHT WAY I noticed a big shift in my behavior. It was easy to say NO, because my desire to be obedient overrode my desire for anything else.
That obedience has led to the fullness of personhood I am currently experiencing. I am discovering that peace and serenity in being alone with God. Knowing that He is the one to complete me, not my boyfriend or husband (whomever that might be). No longer will I look to someone as my other half. When I get married I want my husband and I to come together as two WHOLES, two COMPLETE BEINGS who exist together in harmony, fulfilling the purpose and vision that God has placed in our hearts. So right now, I am transitioning from good girlfriend to building myself as an individual to meet the standards and qualifications of being a great wife.
The next relationship I enter into, I want to be my last.
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